iweb, ftp, index.html, wah wah wah wah.......

Remember in the Charlie Brown cartoons when they were sitting in class. The teacher would speak and all they heard was wah wah wah wah wah wah.....

Well, I spent most of the evening trying to put together my company web site. Okay, a temporary one till I get a better one done. Since my lovely new macbook came with a mac program called iweb, I thought, how hard could it be?

Let me tell you......

I did get the pages together, minus the porfolio section, arguably the most important one. Once done, I went to my hosting website to try to follow the step for uploading. This is where the Charlie Brown school teacher comes in. It's not often I get into "not compatible with mac" issues, but this was just such a case. Two problems as far as I can tell. My hosting site has issues with Safari (the mac browser) and the FTP client doesn't work with macs unless third party software is installed. Hmmm...

This idea of mine has gone from what I thought would be a difficult, but do-able little project to something with way too many steps giving me way too much room for error. I'm sure I'd fuck it up.

In the words of the great soup nazi, "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

Isn't it interesting how different we all are. This shit is such a foreign language to me. Yet, I'd happily tackle and intricate renovation project no problem.

You code wizards baffle me. How you can get through all that shit is beyond me. Truly.

I don't think I'll ever bother trying to do something like this again. Really, what's the point. I'm nearly always unsuccessful and what was learned? ZIP!

Jeeze, almost a week since I've posted...

Back in Whistler, again!!, in an attempt to get the kitchen reno completed. This however will not happen, as the counters have not come in..........mother fucker! They're getting on two weeks overdue. So is the world of home renovations. This going up without the ability to complete the job is really getting at me since it's 4 hours of driving round trip and about $70 in gas on my truck.

My home town has just gone through an insane snow storm yesterday. Nearly two feet deep in some places. To cap it all off, today the weather has cleared up so it has dropped to way below freezing. In Whistler right now, it's something like 17 below!! And I have to cut tile tomorrow with a wet saw!! Yes, wet refers to water. What does water do at 17 below? Well, it' becomes.......not wet. I have a plan though and will report back later on how it went.

I really feel for our american brothers and sisters who came up here for the long weekend, because the storm hit right when many would've been heading back to Washington or were ever they came from. The traffic report said minimum 4 hours at the border crossing. That with the long slow drive in the white stuff I'm sure made for a brutal last day of the Thanksgiving weekend.

R. and I exchanged a couple of just wonderful emails today. Private was the content (not sexual), and oh how they made me happy! It made me just want to close my eyes and jump ahead a year. That being to place (not here) I hope to be.

One of my blogging buddies has also found happiness through attraction lately. I'm so happy for her, as she's had some brutal luck since I've know her.

I'm not really on any particular wave length today, I just thought I'd post something because it had been awhile.

A song for you to enjoy. Anyone who know's of Garden State should know the tune.

The story of a wonderful weekend

All I can say is......wow.

What an amazing extended weekend I’ve had with R in Chicago. I’ll do my best to go through the events of the weekend, but it may be difficult as I’m just numb with happiness.

To review, I found myself back there due to a intervention of sorts her coworkers gave her to get her to exercise caution with respect to getting involved with a foreigner she really didn’t know. They seriously didn’t want her to go to Canada before she knew me better. This caused her much discomfort as she wanted to make them and me happy. The solution was to have me do the next visit. Simple.

I arrived in Chicago at about eight o’clock on thursday evening after traveling most of the day from my home via Toronto. Upon reaching the terminal there was no sight of R. Knowing she was slightly behind schedule, I started to walk towards the L train hoping to head her off. This walk was not short as O’hare is a big place. Little did I know that there were two access points to Terminal 2 from the trains. What ended up happening was something we’ve all seen in movies a hundred times, her going one way, me going another. Missing each other completely, the first time. Once I reached the trains, I realized there were the two access points and figured out what had probably happened. Once back in the Terminal two and walking through the long and mostly empty expanse, I saw R, leaving a message to me on her phone, which was quickly hung up when eye contact was made. Now we really cut to a movie story line as I pick up my pace and she starts to run till we meet with me dropping my bag and us locking in a incredibly passionate embrace. It was magic.

We get to the trains and start to head to her place. On the train, there was much gushy conversation and catching up on various details, many of which are really not too exciting here.

Once at her place I got settled and joined her on the couch were much smooching ensued. This was followed by a moment of passion where I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom to fuck her. It was amazing.

The rest of the evening was spent eating pizza (some ordered, some which she had, more on that later) and making love. I think we did it three times that night.

At the end of the wonderful evening when we lay down to bed, I was feeling so much intensity towards her; perhaps more emotion than I’d ever felt for a woman. I know I haven’t known her long, but I really feel like I love this woman. I had to tell her this and I did. I’ll never forget that moment, because she said the same thing back to me, I truly felt exhilaration. We had a great sleep that night.

The next day, being Friday, I went into downtown with her on her way to work. My plan was to scope out the apple store for cool seminars to fill most of the day while she was at work. Also I had a chance to go up the 100 story Hancock building did at one point need to go to her office to get “checked” out. Hmmmmmm.... this was interesting.





This happened at around two, and I thought it’d be maybe an hour or so and I’d be able to get back to the apple store to take the other seminars I wanted to do. Well, let me tell you........ over two hours later I’m still there.

R met me at the ground floor of her building to help get through security. Once upstairs, the first stop was going into her actual office and meeting her direct “boss”. I was taken into his office, sat down and talked to for about 15 minutes. Not so bad really. This was followed by going through various other offices, meeting other coworkers and such. Very much sensory overload, but good. Good in the sense that I was glad to meet the people who’d been giving her a tough time. Not to give them “I told you so”’s, just to help them see that their concern wasn’t as needed as they may have thought. The final meeting was with her “other” boss, a man she refers to as a second father. Even though I had been warned about possible direct questions, I had no idea. It lasted nearly two hours and felt really corned much of the time. The icing on the cake was when he asked me “SO WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS?” Jesus H. Christ! I just spoke honestly and directly. Never have I been in such an interview which cause me so much fear.

When it was over, R told me that she thought that everyone, including her “second father”, liked me. Also I subsiqently learned that this grilling was partially the work of R’s mother, who shared the same concern her co-workers did. Her mother is not in Chicago and was feeling much fear for her daughter, given her inability to meet the man she’s fallen for. Later R told me that the tone of her mother’s emails changed after the communication she recieved from “second father” giving more comfort about the situation. There were actually comments like “ Say Hi to J___ for me!” That’s a change!



On the way home, we got off the L train to stop at her favourite grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner. I made seared chicken thighs w/ corn salsa, green beans, broccolini, and roast baby potatos. We had a lovely meal late that night and another romantic evening.

In the morning we went to the Lincoln Park area of Chicago to have brunch with two very good friends of hers at a neat place called Kich In. They’re a wonderful couple and we had a great time together.

Upon leaving brunch, we decided to walk back to her place instead of taking the train back so I could see more of her neighbourhood. This is the Lincoln Park and Ravenswood areas.
We walked hand in hand all afternoon checking out little shops, getting coffee and basically killing the day being in love! It was so wonderful.

Dinner was a light affair, mostly leftovers. But yummy leftovers!

At night we went to see a cool comedy show a half hour walk from her place which was a parody on the political climate in the US. Not a great show, but it was fun. During the night, I passed a cocktail napkin to her on which I wrote “I love R_____”. She was plenty happy and said she’d keep it forever.Throughout the night R and I also had fun taking some cool photographs, which I’ll post.



In the morning we grabbed breakfast at a great little greasy spoon around the corner from her place. I had what seemed like the best pancakes to ever hit my lips. Damn they were amazing. This breakfast also turned out to be an important one, as she and I discussed many couple related issues. We talked about our some of our phylosiphies on children and couple interactions. This is something I take very seriously as it will really help us with the difficult times when we’re appart (in that, it will contribute to solidifying our conviction about wanting to stay together).

The rest of the sunday day was spent doing more walking, taking pictures and shopping........... and just being a couple maddly in love.

Sunday evening was spent in relaxing and spending as much quality time as we could cosidering it was our last night together, or so we thought. Dinner was these killer pizza’s from a store called trader joe’s. I’ve NEVER eaten frozen pizza like this JESUS THEY WERE GOOD!! Dessert was frozen bon bons from the same place. MMMMMMMM, yummy, and kinda sexy.

I had to get up in the morning at four o’clock to head to O’Hare. Once there, I of course checked in, went through security under level “orange” conditions (which was interesting), got to the gate and boarded the plane. The plane pushed off and returned to the gate twice before they decided to cancel it due to a mechanical problem. Seeing as I was flying standby, I knew that my chances of getting back home within reasonable time was slim to none. And seeing as I didn’t really NEED to be back home, I called R to tell her I was able to stay another day, “if she wanted me to”. FUCK YEAH. As much as it sucks not getting out when you think you will, it was a blessing becasue we where able to spend another magical night together.

The next day, Monday, I went to town with her again take more seminars at the apple store. When I was done, I headed back to her place ahead of her (with her keys) so I could grab some groceries to have a dinner waiting for her when she got home. I stopped at a local Whole Foods to get the stuff, along with some flowers!!

I made pan seared sea scallops with a honey soy glaze, goats cheese mashed potatos, broccoli and corn. Very yummy.

The rest of the night we just cuddled, made love, and talked.

Bed wasn’t too late as I had to get up again at four.

Now I’m in Pearson airport in Toronto awaiting a connection flight back home.

I don’t know if I’ve ever had such a wonderful weekend; truly magic.

I was being very concious to try to pick up on anything which may be a point of complication between us. You know, how the tooth paste gets squezzed......I found nothing. I’m so in love with this woman, and the way I feel right now, I want to spend my life with her. Of course I know the future has not been written, but it’s how I feel today.

She is so wonderful and I don’t want to loose her. I know it’ll mean me leaving my home town, province and country.....my business, friends and family, but I’m willing take that risk for what could be a lifetime with such an amazing person.

Besides, Chicago has to be one of the coolest cities on earth!

Back to Chicago!!!

I up got this morning at seven to load up the truck up and head home. Mother nature, as it would appear, was fighting me on this.



In the order of appearance, this is what I dealt with:

Extreme fresh snow on the road

having to dodge snow plows

intense rain, the likes which render wipers useless

wind like I never saw before (more on that later)

Upon getting into town I had two meetings to go to for potential jobs. They seemed to go well.

This followed by a visit to a friends place who was nice enough to take my dogs last minute for my trip to see the lovely R. this weekend!

Then home.

Upon tuning on the radio, I learned that the highway to Whistler was closed very shortly after I made the trip down. I was thinking while driving a quarter of the actual speed limit that many of the trees in this area look like they could come down. Well....... seems the J man had it right.

Upon arrival at home and taking out the boys for a quickie, yep you guessed it, my power goes out! Perfect!!

Luckily it didn't last too long and I was able to get up and running again with various tasks involving consumption of our natural resources. ;-)

In the morning I'm back on a flight to Toronto and then a connector to Chicago to see my precious angel. God am I crazy about this woman. On this visit, we'll have three full days together, unlike last time's 18 hours. I'm so excited I probably won't be able to sleep well. Who the fuck cares, the last time I saw her I had like zero sleep in over two days. The excitement was such a natural high, my lack of sleep didn't seem to be a factor.

Complaint time

Please try to understand this in the manner which it is intended.

My mother is really fucking pissing me off these days. Yes of course I love her, but damn is that lady getting on my nerves.

The renovation I'm doing in Whistler for her right now is mildly tearing out my soul. Yesterday, I had I think five phone calls to determine whether or not they were have two under cabinet puck lights under this one cabinet or just one. I told them repeatedly to just use one, since they never use that space except to pile up appliances. It got to the point were I suggested I send her a picture with me holding up one light. That made her and her husband make up their minds. For the love of christ can't you just listen to my opinion and respect the fact that I may have an idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

This past weekend she was taking care of my nieces. When this occours, she puts on the grandma blinders. Nothing else in the word matters or exists for that matter. I needed her to do something for me last night which was to have MAJOR implications on my week. She said she'd do it later that night. Now it's over 24 hours later and no word.

Of course I spoke to her in a stern tone of voice regarding the lights, but it was how any contractor would, if they'd even give them the option!!! Let alone send a picture.

In many many times gone by, she would point out my less than ideal consideration to the way she loves to live in a world of fluff (her world of fluff, HER TERMS). Yes my mother is controlling. So many, and I mean at least 6 separate parties who know my mother have shared their opinions of her to me. She is the way she is and it drives me crazy sometimes.

We all people we're not fond of, yet have to deal with. Be it through work, church, family..... you name it. What we do is learn how to deal with them so as to minimize conflict. With my mother and many others I've crossed paths with in my life, I just tend to deal with them at arms reach. I try to design a relationship which limits my need to rely on these people. If they don't pull through, so be; changes nothing for me. It's worked just swimmingly over the years. They can't let me down, so i don't get upset with them.

This case is different. I need something from her and I know (by experience) that she playing passive aggressive controlling mother because I may have snapped at her indecisiveness about the kitchen reno. For the record, we went through this with the tile selection last week. I got so upset (though didn't voice it) that I just started to agree with whatever she said. THE TILES SUCK!!! and I don't really care. When and if she calls, we'll see. Luckily her playing this game doesn't change too much except that I find out a bit later what's going to be happening instead of last night.

That's it. Damn I'm pissed. I'm sure there's TON of mistakes in what I just wrote, but I'm too tense to go back do any editing.

Okay, I'll take a stab at one of these...

1. explain what ended your last relationship?
Hmm.....define relationship. Last girl I dated was way too clingy and I just found that a turn off, and I was never into her. It ended before anything serious had a chance to happen.

2. when was the last time you shaved?
A few days ago. I'm currently out of town on work. Pretty much by myself, so grooming takes a back seat.

3. what were you doing at 8am this morning?
Oh jeeze, sleeping. Which is rare, since I'm usually up at 6.

4. what were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Gluing some flooring board down which recently lifted at this house I'm working at.

5. are you good at math?
I'm no Will Hunting, but I do get by quite well.

6. your prom night?
Oh fuck, please don't remind me of anything high school!

7. do you have famous ancestors?
Through blood to George the VIII I believe.

8. have you had to take a loan out for school?
Nope, got a scholarship.

9. do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
I wouldn't piss anyone off by over loading my page with shit. Also, I only have a page so I can see others.

10. last thing received in the mail?
Bills and shit

11. how many different beverages have you had today?
two

12. do you ever leave messages on peoples answer machines?
yep

13. who did you lose your concert virginity to?
oh god, shawn cassidy

14. do you draw your name in the sand when you go the beach?
no

15. what is the most painful dental procedure you have had?
Wisdom teeth pulled

16. what is out your back door?
don't have one

17. any plans for friday night?
ooooohhhhh, yes indeed. I hope they work out. Much happiness should ensue.

18. do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Ha, this is how you know this questionnaire wasn't made for me.

19. have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 diferent popcorns?
nope

20. have you ever been to a planetarium?
yeah

21. do you re-use towels after you shower?
couple times maybe and then, if the need arises, they get used for sex cleanup detail.

22. some things you are excited about?
I don't get excited very often.........just leads to disappointment

23. what is your favorite flavor of jello?
no answer

24. describe your keychain(s)?
garage opener, vehicle imobilizer, and tons of keys...house, complex, mail, storage, mom's, truck, canopy, BMW, ......

25. we regret to inform you that question twenty-five has been omitted on account of it's public display's of nudity, and it's torrid affair with the crack rock. he has entered himself into rehab, and asks for your prayers such that he may have a speedy recovery. don't forget to see his piece of shit movie and/or buy his poor excuse for an album. holla!

26. where do you keep your change?
pocket

27. what kind of winter coat do you own?
I don't really have one as I live in one of the mildest places on earth, hot or cold.

28. what was the weather like on your graduation day?
sunny I think

29. do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open

30. whoever wants to do this lil ol thang...well then tag yourself.

Now for something completely different

Tonight I had a wonderful conversation with R. It did get heavy on a couple of things, but nothing any new couple wouldn't cover. Jeeze I like this girl. Really really like her. sigh.......

......oh yeah, my post. Okay, so I'll throw something into the ring for a musical monday. This evening the song I sent to R was by a group called the Levellers. It was a heavy topic little number, but I digress. I thought it'd be neat to expose some of you to a wonderful group you may not know. Certainly in the celtic vein, and oh so great live (though I've never had the pleasure). Do you think a single soul walked away from that show not satisfied (and 5 lbs. lighter!).

I'll just let the music speak for itself.

Curious but sad math

In the 911 attacks, 2997 people were either killed or are missing.

To date more than 2800 US troops have been killed fighting in Iraq.

It will be a sad day when those numbers balance each other. My math tells me this date should occur some time in February or March.

Also, it is estimated that 50,000 Iraqi civilians have lost their lives.

I feel for all who've lost family members in both situations, American and Iraqi.

Also, I wish there was an obvious solution to all this.

May peace be close at hand.



I hope the families of those troops who've lost their lives feel that their sons and daughters have made same noble and just sacrifice as those of the Great War and WWII. My thought is that that belief will make their grief as tolerable as possible.

On the weekend of remembrance around the world, my thoughts are with those who've given theirs lives for my freedom.

May all of us stop to consider how lucky we are this weekend.

The word "girlfriend"

I can't seem to understand why it is some people have a difficulty with the words girlfriend and boyfriend. It seems to be something that society's insecurities has amplified over time. I say this because in my earlier years, I don't remember it being as it is today. To me this is sad, because a byproduct of this behaviour is an element of game playing. Not huge, but a big part of game playing is a lack of honesty. See the connection? How many of you ever thought at the so important fork in the road of dating someone......... do they or don't they?

The first time the word gets used, there is an undeniable bridge which gets crossed. Really though, the bridge was crossed before the word was uttered. It's just that hearing it reinforces what already is.

For me, feeling strongly for a woman and being mutually exclusive with her makes her my girlfriend. In the case of R, this seemed to occour quite quickly. Criteria: strong feelings? Oh my yes! and Exclusivity? To me she is the only woman in the word. Of course this all caused me much joy. :-) I would think it's always a two way street, but perhaps not. Either way, a typical perspective from me.........a strong and clear one.

The thing of it is, I can't play games. I can probably count on one hand the number of times someone was able to complain that they didn't know what I was truely thinking. I know I know, not great for the mystery factor, but it's who I am.

I was planning on blogging on a ton of other stuff tonight but it came up last night, so I thought I'd take the opportunity while it was still fresh in my mind.

Tonight I have what will be a quick and lame council meeting for my complex. Then my, what is becoming, nightly conversation with R. It' so wonderful to wish her pleasant dreams every thing. Thank you Skype!

This is a routine I'm really digging. Oh, and usually after we get off the phone, I send her what will be her morning song to wake up to. I love her reactions to the things I do for her. The other night she was ending what was a bad day, so in an attempt to cheer her up, I filled her in a couple of surprises I was working on for her. I know, it wrecked the surprises, but I loved hearing her get happy with my comments. Totally made my night.

Tomorrow morning I'm back up to Whistler to continue on the kitchen. Probably this will be a few days. I'm actually looking forward to it as I'm kinda enjoying the seclusion up there.

I'm probably going back to Chicago for next weekend. Oh HAPPINESS!! (and lust.....ahem)

Pain is coming

Today I have to do something very difficult. Something I've done before and never want to have to do again.

I won't go into it as it's really only for select people to know.

I just wish there was an easy way, I know there is not.

What I am sure about is life will go on, and I have so much to look forward to.

My life has been blissful in the last couple of weeks. This is just a speed bump I need to go over.

I'm so thankful to have met R. She is so much to me right now. I cherish being able to wake up thinking about her, talking to her before I bed each night. She is so on my mind and I don't want that to end.

Life is so good right now. For that I'm happy.

It's just that there will always be the occasional bump in the road to deal with. Having her in my life does however make it so less difficult.

Election day

And oh do I hope and pray there is a shift in the government of the country to my south which possesses many of my favourite places on this earth. I won't bother getting into my leanings because I'm sure they're obvious.

Last evening R and I spoke on the phone, through skype (which is starting to be a nightly thing and something I look so forward to) about a number of things *wink wink*. One topic which was covered was the travel schedule in our future. We talked about the weekend coming up which will have me going to visit her in Chicago. MUCH EXCITEMENT! Then we chatted about the idea of her being here for New Years. How wonder would that be! The two of us walking the romantic snow covered pathways though the ski resort of Whistler. I can just envision us playing in the snow, taking pictures of each other making snow angels, and playing with the dogs.

It'll be so nice to see her around the holidays, as that's when you really should be spending time with those who matter most to you.

For me Christmas will be a commuting affair, which it normally is. The eve will be at my sister's place with her family, dad and his wife. My sister has two young daughters who I've really only gotten very close with in the last couple of years. This is due to some difficulties she and I went through round the time of her two pregnancies. Either way, we're past it now, and I was able to see them occasionally when they were young. This is the first born in her first year. Shockingly cute, no?



I'm not one to be so into Christmas, but I think this year will be kinda neat as my two nieces are at the perfect age to understand perfectly what it is but not be too old to suspect something might be up. Should be fun. If R has a chance to meet them, I think she'll just gush with how cute they are.

hmmm... what else..... Today I saw, what was without question, the most spectacular rainbow my eyes ever witnessed. It was as I drove back from the store while in the south end of the Whistler valley. Later on my way home, I stopped into the village for a panini and passed a professional photographer who had his camera out. Seeing that there was no doubt about what he was doing there, I just asked "Did you get it?". "No, just missed it by the time I got my gear ready!". He went on to say that this was the brightest rainbow he ever witnessed. Coming from a pro, that's quite a statement. He and I went on to talk about how at one point he and I were able to see BOTH ends of th rainbow touching the ground, not 50 meters from us. I too didn't have my camera when it mattered. But I do feel lucky to have at least seen it and been able to write a first hand account.

You can only imagine what it would've looked like. Standing with the sunshine to my back, looking north up the valley, were it was still storming hard. The rainbow couldn't have been wider than a couple of city blocks. sigh.......

Much much better

Last night R. called just moments before I was about to ring her myself. She was so emotional about the confusion which was put into her head by her work mates. I think the reason they're so impactful on her is that they are an extended family to her. Her boss sounds so wonderful and really watches out for her. I love that.

They are terribly concerned for her safety if she hops on a plane out here. They also said that they think I might be in this with her just for sex. HUH????????? Uh, maybe I'll go see what the slut pool is like Thailand while I'm at it!!! That's just insane!!!

Nevertheless, she was so emotional about it. It really pained me to hear her crying, and I almost did myself but knew it would only make the situation worse. I so wanted to reach through the phone and comfort her.

When this kind of stuff happesns I really try to just find the solution as quickly as possible which makes everyone happy.

This time it was easy........

I'm going to her town again, hopefully in a couple weeks. Before I go to her place I'm going straight to her work at lunch time so I can meet the people who are so concerned about me. Then that night I'm going to host a dinner party at R's house for all of them. It's times like this that my culinary degree can really come in handy.

I told R. this and she's sure this will help them to be supportive of us and me courting her.

Done. Easy, and it'll be fun time for sure.

And all I have to do is, as I said to R. last night, lose a turn in scrabble. At the end of the game it probably doesn't mean much. I just have to do the traveling one more time.

In way it could be better, because when she comes here I want to take her straight to Whistler. Therefore her coming later in the winter will ensure Whistler looks much more enchanting.

Like this......



One more thing today, I snapped a cute shot of my grumpy old mutt F. last night. btw, that is white trim paint he got on himself the other night while I was doing some painting.

And oh so short work day

I'm back in Whistler to continue with the kitchen reno for a couple days. Though it'll probably be longer because I played very lazy today by only working a couple hours. I thought I'd take a perfect opportunity to play on the computer for the day. My environment here is quite fitting for just playing quietly on the macbook, listening to rarities in my itunes library, drinking tons of espresso and playing with Ferdinand and Enzo.

I spoke last night to R. about how ironic it was that her and I can't really write in our blogs in the style we always have when it relates to her and I. Today that is very true.

Yesterday she spoke to me of an intervention of sorts her co-workers gave her. It was to protect her against me. What the? She went on to tell me how it caused her to hve tears on her face most of the day.This story hit me like a ton of bricks and was the first hick-up since I fell for her. My immediate reaction was to go out of my way to prove to these people, be it in person or remotely, of my genuine intentions of deep caring for her. Of wanting to share something of wonder with her in the future which would bring her so much happiness. R. did express a concern that I might do something. For she had a clear view of things and that they just didn't know me, and therefore had the opinion they did.

I can't convince anyone of my intentions. I can only be the person of integrity I believe myself to be. Life is just never perfect is it. You know when you meet the friend of the person you're involved with and for whatever reason you find the friend has reservations about you. It really hurts because you're ultimately helpless. Not that it matters too much; the person you need to be on the same page with is the person you care about. I'm certain when these people meet me, immediately they're feelings for me will do a 180.

Forgive me for possibly writing awkwardly, it's a new emotion in this chapter of my life and I don't know that I've get a clear perspective on it.

Today it became clear that I'm no internet wizard. I tried to make up a front page for my upcoming web site on apple's iweb program. Great, no problem. Till I tried to publish it to the hosting site I just gave $200 to. Now on my url all you get is a 404 error message. Just perfect. Hopefully I'll be able to get it reset and find someone with know how who can load it for me. I think it'd be so neat if i could give my customers a business card with my company url and an email address from that site, not just a lousy hotmail.

I wish it wasn't dark and dinner time on a Sunday right now, because I really feel energized to do some work on this place.

Just this second I received an email from a customer of mine who I literally hate working for. In the fall I did their main floor bathroom and it was nine days of hell for me. The house is full of anger and tension. The husband and wife hate each other and never talk. Their teenage daughter is being the challenging 15 yo that she is and is therefore putting much stress on the parents. The husband drives me batty with stupid little things I hate dealing with. Just petty shit. When I stop getting calls on this contract, it will end my time with them.

Jesus for what is an amazing time in my life, today is starting to suck.

Yeah yeah, I don't have cancer or anything, but fuck I get to vent and rant too don't I?

To anyone who may be able to vote in California

Please please please support Prop. 87.

Your state can and will lead the rest of us to more sustainable energy.

My top ten epic compositions

Notice I didn't write 'songs'. I feel that calling what is in this list a song is too limiting and carrying a sense of radio friendliness. Which anything you describe as epic would never be. Initially I was going to give myself a ten minute minimum time restriction, but that became too hard. So I'm changing it to eight minutes, with a couple of exceptions ( I think you'll agree once you here those two). The compositions must, to be epic, also be terribly complex with multiple layers, and time changes. I've also tried to vary the musical styles though they are leaning towards heavier genres.

In no particular order:

1. Jane's Addiction - Three Days @ 10.47 The only you tube I could find was in two parts, trust me, it's worth it!!





2. The Mars Volta - L'Via L'Viaquez 12.21 Some day I want to learn to Tango. And when I do I want to adapt the dance to go with this song is a very fast and erotic way, as I think it'll perfect for it. This song is actually the shorter video version.



3. Tool - Aenema 6.39 This is one of my exceptions being as short as it is. The reason it's here, is because of how this song is built. It possesses what I call the greatest toolgasm they've done. In other words it climaxes like no other song to ever hit my ears.



4. The Doors - The End 11.41 Not much needs to be said of this brilliance.



5. Tool - Rosetta Stoned 11.11 Off the new album and the best performance at the show this past fall.



6. The Dresden Dolls - Truce 8.34 I've gone on so much about this group, so I'll just say.......WATCH IT!



7. Led Zepplin - Kasmir 8.32 Again, nothing needs to be said.

Unfortunately no youtube for this one.

8. Ministry - So What 8.13 A great little titty for smashing your head against the wall ;-)

Again, no video or audio found.

9. Delerium - Silence (edit) 11.34 Bill and Rys don't get their due for their musicianship.



10. Dead Can Dance - Rakim 6.25 Again, another one of my exceptions. Reason? I believe this to be the greatest musical recording. The first part of the song, Brendan makes up his own language on the spot, every performance is different. Is there anything more musical than using the human voice as an instrument?



Well, there it is. If you've watched and read this, then you've been here for a good hour and I'm flattered.

...with the idea of it....

Since I've met this extraordinary women my mind has been full of magical thoughts.
Daydreams of a life together of bliss and wonder.

I'm in love. In love with the idea of R.

I've dreamt of the passionate courtship which can take place.
I've dreamt of asking her father if he'd allow me the honour of spending my life with his daughter.
I've dreamt of proposing to her a perfect fall setting. Under some orange and red Michigan leaves.
I've dreamt of publicly committing myself to her.
I've dreamt of sharing a home with her and our beautiful animals.
I've dreamt of caring for her in times of difficulty.
I've dreamt of having children with her.
I've dreamt of us sharing many moments of pride and thankfulness for what we created and have together.
I've dreamt of being that elderly couple who still walks down the street together holding hands.

I'm in love. In love with the idea of R.


I once posted this is in a previous blog. Nevertheless here are a couple of Leornard Cohen songs which compliment my feeelings on this autumn morning.



Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Please forgive the documentary styling. It's all I could find.



If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
Im your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
Ill examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
Im your man

Ah, the moons too bright
The chains too tight
The beast wont go to sleep
Ive been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or Id crawl to you baby
And Id fall at your feet
And Id howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And Id claw at your heart
And Id tear at your sheet
Id say please, please
Im your man

And if youve got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
Ill disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
Im your man

If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you

Of course life is not all bliss and magic. All relationships achieve a plateau. I know it's not wise to get too caught up in my heart. But right now I am in this state of mind. No matter what happens, door 1 or door 2 (if you know what I mean) there WILL be very difficult times ahead. The thing of it is, no rewarding acheivment came without pain. I want to face that pain head on, without fear.

Plumbing........FINALLY!

Bedtime

But before that, a short post...

I was suppose to be working on the kitchen this evening. Supposed to being the key words.

When i got back from Ikea (which I can walk to from my place), where I bought my new tap set, i noticed my sweetheart was online. I messaged her thinking it would be brief. An hour and a half or more later I'm saying good night to her.

I love the chats I have with R. She's so in tune with my wit and I with hers.

Today I sent her a poetic text message while on the side of the road in the pouring rain while listening to a wonderfully romantic song.

My text to her......

"my heart is singing with passion and the knowledge of impending love"

I feel like I'm a 16 year old boy falling for a girl for the first time.

The man's work from the night before

First shots of my new counters done with bronze metallic paint and epoxy (the shiny stuff) over MDF.

No Musical Monday's here

It would appear that the Hipcast player you all use to post music on Mondays, doesn't work with blogger beta. Which brings me much sadness since I'm an ardent lover of music. I was so ready to start things off today with Time Jesum Transeuntum et non Riverentum by Nick Cave and the Dirty Three. In my eyes perhaps Nick Caves best work. I'll continue to try to find a way of sharing the music I care deeply for with all of you.

Yep, I'm bummed.

If you happen to look for that song, forgive me in advance if it offends your values and faith. Though hauntingly beautiful, it has a strong message which may not be take well by all who hear it.

Here's the lyrics

We were called to the forest... when we went down.
A wind blew warm and eloquent
We were searching for the secrets of the universe...
And we rounded up demons and forced them to tell us what it all meant
We tied 'em to trees and broke them down one by one
And on a scrap of paper, they wrote these words...
And as we read them, the sun broke through the trees...
"Dread the passage of Jesus, for he will not return."
Then we headed back to our world and left the forest behind...
Our hearts singin' with all the knowledge of love.
Then somewhere, somehow, we lost the message along the way...
And when we got home, we bought ourselves a house.
And we bought a car that we did not use...
And we bought a cage and two singing birds...
And at night we'd sit and listen to the canary's song.
For we'd both run right out of words...
Now the stars, they are all angled wrong...
And the sun and the moon refuse to burn
But I remember a message in a demon's hand
Dread the passage of Jesus for he does not return...
...he does not return...
...he does not return...